booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
