No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
