So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh god it's open bar.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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