Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
