I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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