Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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