So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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