Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
