How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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