only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
