So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
