No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All the doctor said was why
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
