I heard we made out
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
