You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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