at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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