forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
