we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
