You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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