He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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