there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
