I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
