i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
