Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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