so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
