i just sold back the books i vomitted on
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
