oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
