He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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