I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
