I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
