I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Your cock deserves a montage
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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