I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
