I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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