who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
