It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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