I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Can vaginas get frostbite?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
