Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
