i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
