It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
