She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
