I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
