So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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