Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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