I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
