just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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