Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
