I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize