sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
