Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
