There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
