Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize