They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize