I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
