gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
