I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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