why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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