she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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