i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize