I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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