the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
