he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
