I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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