Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
