im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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