the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
