dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
