Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
