There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
