the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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