i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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