One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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