what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
