No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
