i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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