at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
