new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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