a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
