He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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