that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
