its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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