Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
