fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
