just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
