the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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