I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
