it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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