nutella sex= disaster
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
