She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
