I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
