awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
