ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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