Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
