She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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