I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
