i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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